Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
