you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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