Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
