...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
