Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
