I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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