3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I wish you could order shots online.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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