capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
