I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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