I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
