At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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