Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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