i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Damn victory sex feels great
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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