the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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