isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
