Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
