I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
