my phone needs a breathalizer
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
