I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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