IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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