On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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