I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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