i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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