yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
