I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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