According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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