If that was your dad, he is hot
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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