Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
