I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
