Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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