her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
