I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
