Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
