420 ftw
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
