All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
