careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
