PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
