if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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