She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
