from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
