Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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