Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I didn't notice because vodka
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
