I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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