Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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