He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
