I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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