Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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