Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
