Your dad touched me again.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
