just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
