And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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