a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.