Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
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We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
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I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.