My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer