Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(856): View more from New Jersey

a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell

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(510): View more from California

he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...

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(240): View more from Maryland

boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(913): View more from Kansas

I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...

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(914): View more from New York

He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.

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(954): View more from Florida

Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven

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(304): View more from West Virginia

He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.

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