if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex