I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
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Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
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I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.