so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
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