Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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