my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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