I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
