I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
