What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
