I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
