New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
