I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
