I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
im six kinds of drunk right now
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
