ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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