I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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