***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
