lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
