I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
