This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
