I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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