that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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