how can u be prego again
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Everything about him screamed your future.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Randomize
