Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
