This is not my ceiling
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
