I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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